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Fear and Forgiveness

It's my parent's 30th anniversary and our Brian's christening on Saturday where in spite busy schedule preparing everything for the visitors, i still think of Jacob. 

I packed Beef Tapa and Pancit for him and even thinking of bringing him Salad for dessert. 

We didn't have a good conversation after hours of waiting for him then he finally said we're not meeting up because he's not in the mood and he wants to stay at home and watch Initial D. 

Then all of my insecurities and paranoia came out. I started thinking, just like what happened with Jeff, very similar indeed. He started confirming why he's sticking with me. He reminded me to stop counting the days and enjoy that we're together. I think his way of showing me that he likes me is seeing me everyday for dinner. Though i heard him said, "ano bang napapala ko pag pumupunta ko sayo? Kahit pagod ako nagpupunta pa din ako. Dapat maapreciate mo yun."

I am not sure what that means but i just wanna stop thinking so decided to watch a couple of movies before going to bed. 

Planet 51 was released in 2009. I remember coming up a poster for our client back in TUI for one of our incentive plans, i didnt get a chance to see he movie though. It was about the planet who have been preparing for an alien invasion and so paranoid that the aliens will control their minds and eat their brains. It was funny and one thing i learned, and i have to always remind myself, do not be afraid  of the unknown. 

What is happening between me and Jacob is that, we get to argue about "my drama and paranoia". I should stop thinking of what's gonna happen and just let it happen. 

Just like what it says in my quiet time today, God can move mountains but we gotta trust Him. 

Eat Pray Love was very popular in 2011. It talks about Liz's story from her domestic issues and divorce, finding herself and finding love again. 3 things i learned from this movie, i have not forgiven myself - i really thought i did, but every time i remember what happened with me in Jeff and it is very traumatic, i flare up; i have to let loose of myself and find that balance in my life - i have been so hard to myself and not giving myself a chance, trying to be strong and showing off everyone "i am okay"; i need to crossover and enjoy Jacob right now. 

I think it's not gonna be too easy for me to start over, but definitely, i can always try and keep going. I know it's gonna be okay.

Comments

  1. KikoFebruary 14, 2012 at 9:13 AM

    Upon reading your blog.... Dami kong question na gusto i ask... Would it be OK if I just mail you na lang...

    ReplyDelete
  2. @CoachJethMarch 14, 2012 at 11:07 PM

    Sorry I didn't get the chance to see this and I didn't see this post when I checked on my blog. You can post here. :)

    ReplyDelete
  3. KikoMarch 21, 2012 at 9:08 AM

    May baby ka kayo (yung brian)? Hmm.. feeling ko lang.. Kung tama yung hula ko base sa pagkaintindi ko sa blogpost mo na ito. Saka... may serious health problem ka ba??? Hmm.. Don't want to think so negative.. pero... Pagkaintindi ko, you are running out of time.. (sorry if I am wrong about this)..

    ReplyDelete
  4. @CoachJethMarch 31, 2012 at 1:29 PM

    that's so funny, dude. i didn't realise this message can be perceived waaay different from what I wanted to express. Hehehe, i don't have a baby. I am healthy. But yes, I am running out of time, not because I am dying or what not, but only there a lot of things I wanted to do and ensure that my family, friends and loved ones are able to witness. :)

    I am happy and very much enjoying my life now. I got recently promoted and hoping for another notch this year. My guy is really supported and loving, and I can't ask for anything else but God's guidance and wisdom.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. KikoApril 2, 2012 at 7:58 AM

      I thought may baby na kayo. (sayang!) Anyway, I'm glad to know OK ka naman pala. (Akala ko may srious health problem ka na).

      Delete
    2. @CoachJethApril 5, 2012 at 1:27 AM

      Thanks for the concern though. :) Inaalala mo pa din ako.

      Delete
    3. KikoJune 11, 2012 at 1:11 PM

      No need to explain naman eh. You know what what/who you are to me.

      Delete
    4. @CoachJethJune 24, 2012 at 12:00 PM

      thank you. :) take care always ha.

      Delete
  5. @CoachJethMarch 31, 2012 at 1:30 PM

    and oh, i want to ask, how are you ding, my friend?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. KikoApril 2, 2012 at 8:00 AM

      Currently working in an SEO Company somewhere here in Makati. So far, so good; maski wala pa din baby after more than a year of being married. Well, we're hoping to have one this year. Sana, magkaroon na nga.

      Delete
    2. @CoachJethApril 5, 2012 at 1:29 AM

      Good to know. Hope everything gets well in your career. Senior Manager na ko sa IBM, fingers-crossed, i'll be a Deputy General Manager soon. I'll pray you have a kid soon. :)

      Delete

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